We all know that person who is so easy to talk to. They’re the ones who always have a smile on their faces and make you feel comfortable enough to share anything. It’s as if they were made for conversation!
The truth is that there isn’t a magic formula or a secret to becoming easy to talk to. People feel the most comfortable with others when they are being authentic. This means that getting comfortable in your own skin is one of the best ways you can talk with just about anyone.
In addition to showing up as your perfect just-as-you-are self, there are some things that you can do in order to become more approachable and open up yourself as an individual.
How Do You Become Easy to Talk To?
There are many ways to become easy to talk to. Some of them are simple, while others take more work. The key is consistency and mindfulness when practicing conversational techniques.
Here are our 10 top tips for becoming easy to talk to:
1. Be Genuine
People don’t like it when they sense someone is being fake or putting on a show and you would be surprised by how easily they sense it in others. Being genuine means being vulnerable and honest. This means not trying to impress people or hide your quirks and imperfections. Confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin, not pretending to be someone else.
If you’re feeling shy about expressing yourself or feel that you have imposter syndrome, take a deep breath and know that everyone is nervous when they meet new people. As long as you show up with an open mind and heart, people will feel comfortable talking with you.
2. Make Eye Contact
Eye contact is how we get to know each other. It’s the way we communicate respect, interest, and openness in our relationships with others. Make eye contact with everyone when they are speaking or listening – this shows them that you care and will make them more likely to listen.
Many people find it intimidating when they are making eye contact for too long or if someone is staring at them but that doesn’t need to be the case! To make it seem less intense, look away every now and then. You can even try blinking every time you break the gaze, as this will give them a chance to look away too!
Our eyes can also be quite expressive, so make sure to adjust your gaze for the tone of the conversation. If you’re looking down, it can seem like you are sad or uninterested. Looking upwards indicates that you are thinking a bit more deeply on a topic. A glance to the side can feel like you’re trying to avoid something or are distracted.
We can smile with our eyes as well by slightly crinkling the corners to show that you are happy and friendly. This can be a great way to put people at ease, especially if it’s your first time meeting them.
If direct eye contact makes you uncomfortable, try looking at the bridge of their nose instead of directly into their eyes and your gaze will seem more gentle and diffused.
3. Check Your Body Language
Use open body language like uncrossing your arms and legs. This expresses openness and warmth towards the other person, which encourages good conversation.
Here are some disarming and open positions you can take to make yourself more approachable:
- Lean towards them slightly to show that you are engaged in the conversation.
- Place your hands in your pockets, a much more open alternative to crossing your arms in front of your chest.
- Place your hands behind your back, especially if you tend to fidget with your hands.
- Show off a friendly smile.
- Take a deep breath and drop any tension in your shoulders for an overall relaxed look.
- Nod your head to show that you are listening.
- Tilt your head to the side to show that you are curious.
- Point to yourself with your thumb if someone is asking about a topic that relates to you. You can also use this as an opportunity to share something interesting about yourself.
Also, try to avoid fidgeting. Your body language can be just as distracting for others as your words are – it’s important that you don’t draw attention away from what is being said. If you need to move around or have a nervous habit of twirling your hair etc., excuse yourself and give yourself some space in another room.
If you are speaking to a group, make sure that your body language is projecting confidence and openness. Be bold in your body language. In addition to the above tips, make sure to turn and face everyone you’re speaking to and make your movements slightly more dramatic so everyone can see them.
4. Actively Listen
When you’re actively listening, it means that your focus is on the person speaking to you. It’s putting aside distractions and responding in a way that shows them they are being heard – asking questions about their opinions or sharing stories of similar experiences.
We can become distracted very easily by the technology around us, but try your best not to let this happen. Some ways you can stay focused are by turning off your cellphone, stepping into a quieter area, or stopping multitasking if you’re in the middle of something.
An additional way that you can show someone that you’re listening to them is by reflecting and summarizing what they’ve said. Repeat back to them what you heard and ask if that is correct or if there’s something missing from your understanding of their point.
You can also use body language like nodding, which shows the speaker that you’re engaged, as well as using verbal cues such as “mmhmm” and “oh I see”. These responses let them know that you’re still listening instead of zoning out.
5. Ask Good Questions
Avoid asking questions that you already know the answer to – this is a great way for conversations to feel stale and one-sided. You can still ask them if they have any other siblings or where they went on vacation last year, but try swapping these up with more creative prompts like “what’s your favorite memory from when you went?” or “what did you think of the trip?”.
Try to avoid asking yes or no questions, which can lead to silence after you get your answer.
Avoid asking questions that make people feel self-conscious or nervous. You can ask someone what they do for work, but don’t follow up with “how does that make you feel?” if they’re already feeling stressed out.
6. Talk Less
People subconsciously like others who give them lots of space to talk and don’t feel the need to fill up all of the voids in conversation. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t speak at all, but try to keep it balanced.
Asking follow-through questions like “and then what happened?” can help extend someone’s story or thought process, so it’s easy for them to keep talking.
7. Don’t Judge
Don’t judge your conversation partner’s opinions or lifestyle choices. This can lead to preconceptions about them that might not be true. Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice to make sure you’re not giving someone the impression that you’re upset or disagreeing with them.
If it’s something serious like a political opinion, try to avoid getting into a heated debate. Say something like “that’s interesting, I had never thought about it like that before” and remember to respect their opinion.
Try to avoid offering advice or your own opinions about their situation unless they specifically ask for them. Instead, focus on being empathetic and supportive by listening to what they have to say.
8. Connect Over Shared Interests
Shared interests are a great way for people to connect and open up. You can try talking about something you both love or have in common, like a hobby, the city you’ve lived in, or similar tastes in movies. A way to find this out is by asking questions to find common ground like “where’s your favorite place you’ve ever traveled?” or “what was the last movie you saw?”.
When you find a topic that you are connected with, you can ask more specific questions and enjoy a bit of intimacy without being too personal.
9. Create a Natural Flow in the Conversation
Make an effort to ask questions that lead naturally into the next topic, so you don’t appear like you’re just trying to fill up the silence. If you’re not sure what to say next, try asking a follow-up question about something they mentioned in their answer.
Make comments about the environment around you and engage in the space your sharing with your conversation partner. If you’re at an event, such as an art show, you may suggest that you walk around together or talk about your favorite pieces. If you’re at a bar, you can ask them if they’ve tried anything new on the menu or what their favorite drink is.
Being relaxed naturally puts us in a state of flow. If you want to be easy to talk to, try being mindful of your breathing and making sure it’s deep and relaxed. This can help calm anxiety and create a calm presence that other people will find easy to be around.
10. Support and Encourage
Whenever someone shares something with you, make sure to validate them and show that you understand where they’re coming from. Try asking reflective questions like “that must have been difficult” or “how did you feel about that?”.
If someone vents to you, use your body language to show them that you’re paying attention and care about what they have to say. Lean in towards them or give short, empathetic nods while they talk.
If someone is going through a tough time, let them know you’re there for them to listen or give advice whenever they need it. Let them know that you think they are strong for getting through a hard time and that you’re impressed by them.
Final Thoughts:
There are a lot of different reasons why people can be easy or difficult to talk to. No matter how comfortable you get talking with someone, remember to respect their boundaries and always get consent before getting too personal.
Remember that you don’t have to go along with everything someone says or do everything they ask. Be firm about your values and make sure you stand up for yourself without being confrontational.
As with any conversation, it’s always good to be mindful of the other person’s body language and nonverbal cues. Make sure you’re not accidentally making someone uncomfortable or putting too much pressure on them.
If you want to become easy to talk to, start by being yourself and having fun! If people can sense that you’re relaxed and at ease, they’ll be more inclined to feel the same way.