a couple sitting apart after fighting in a relationship

Is it Normal to Fight Everyday in a Relationship?

Relationships can be difficult, and that is an understatement. In addition to the challenges of balancing work, school, family life, and other responsibilities, there are also those moments when couples have disagreements with one another.

Some fights are just a normal part of being in a relationship, while others might indicate something more serious like abuse or addiction. So, how do you know if your fighting is normal?

Is It Normal for Couples to Fight Almost Everyday?

It is common for couples to fight daily for shorter periods of time. We all go through patches of stress where we may be feeling pressure from other areas of our life. We also may be trying to work out a major relationship issue such as trust, money, or commitment. If this becomes a chronic long-term pattern, it may indicate a larger relationship issue.

It’s also important to focus on the quality of the fights. It can be considered normal if the fights are not physical and the arguments are usually resolved quickly. This will usually manifest as a small tiff, disagreement, or a comment that makes the other person feel bad and they try to make amends.

When fights are regularly highly aggressive, physical, or last for longer periods of time, this is not normal. This is usually a result of anger issues or addiction problems that may be larger than the relationship itself.

How Often Does the Average Couple Fight?

It’s hard to say how often the average couple fights because this isn’t the most important factor when determining if the fighting is normal. As long as the fights are healthy and resolved, they shouldn’t be considered anything to worry about.

An average couple may fight frequently, but they gauge the success of their relationship by determining if they have more good days together than bad ones. Even this metric can be skewed since some of us tend to remember the good times better, while others focus on the negative.

One of the best ways to keep track of whether the good outweighs the bad in your relationships is by working with a counselor. If you are regularly seeing a neutral third party, they can help you to keep track of this balance.

It’s also important to remember that fighting can have a positive effect on relationships as well as the individuals in them.

Fighting is a natural response that tells us to protect ourselves. It can give us the bravery to communicate with our partners clearly and honestly. It also helps us to dig deeper into the reasons why our partners act in certain ways.

If fights are resolved in a healthy and timely manner, they can help us to release stress, get things off of our chest, and come back together with even more intimacy in the relationship.

The average couple will sometimes reap these benefits of conflict, while high-conflict couples will get caught in patterns of negativity and resentment.

What Do Most Couples Fight About?

While couples have creatively fought about every topic under the sun, there are certain areas that are more likely to bring out heightened emotions in a relationship. If you find that you and your partner are fighting about one of the topics below, know that you aren’t alone and that many others are working on (and have worked through) these exact same issues.


Money can be a source of major conflict in relationships. Whether it’s over how to spend the money or who controls the bank accounts, this is an ongoing topic for many couples that can bring up anger, resentment, and fear within you both.

To some extent, the less money you two have, the more likely you are to fight over it. This is because a lack of money can contribute to stress and anxiety in many areas of your life if you don’t have basic security and comforts.

For those who have a little (or a lot) of financial abundance, there can still be plenty of fights over money. One partner may control the finances and not be willing to share this information with their spouse, or they might spend more than you would like them to without consulting you first.

Regardless of how much money your relationship has, it is important that both partners feel heard and respected in regard to financial decisions within a relationship. It’s important that both adults have control over their financial life, even if they are sharing resources and assets.


Family can be a source of major stress in relationships. We see plenty of stories in the movies and other media about unaccepting inlaws or family members who are so involved in the relationship that it is suffocating. This is a normalized part of our culture, which unfortunately can lead to lots of fights.

In some relationships, the two adults are from very different families and have been brought up with very different values. This can be a source of conflict, since each person’s motivations are based on deep beliefs that were engrained in childhood.

As family conflicts come up, such as ill family members, or past family trauma, it’s important to find a way to communicate with your partner and hold space for their feelings.

Jealousy and Insecurity

It can be incredibly difficult to share your life with someone and trust them at the same time. We all have insecurities about our relationships, but sometimes we feel threatened by how much attention or love they receive from others.

Jealousy is one of those ugly parts of human nature that many people try not to acknowledge. It’s important to know that jealousy is a natural response and can be based on your own fears.

Some of us have been trained since childhood about what it means to love fiercely, while others may not have had the same intensity of emotion modeled for them in their family experiences. When one partner becomes jealous or insecure, this activates an unhealed wound in the other person.

The best thing you can do to help your partner feel safe is to be open and honest with them about your feelings so they don’t continue assuming things. Make sure that they understand what triggers these fears within you, as this information will give them a starting point for understanding where their jealousy comes from.

Household Responsibilities

The household responsibilities within a relationship can quickly become an issue if one or both partners are not doing their fair share. This is especially the case in households where only one partner works outside of the home, while the other stays at home to take care of children and/or run errands.

Taking on more than you feel capable of completing can become a source of resentment towards your partner, while not doing enough can create feelings of anger and frustration.

It’s important that both partners feel heard in regard to household tasks so they don’t have to take on responsibilities completely by themselves. Everyone should be able to contribute, even if it means asking for help once in a while! Feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life, but it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you can help each other.


Habits of your partner can become a source of conflict in relationships. Whether it’s an annoying habit that they are completely unaware of, or something that they know bothers you but continues to do it anyway.

Some habits are easier to ignore than others, while some will drive you absolutely nuts. Some are harmless while others enable toxic patterns such as heavy drinking or smoking..

When you find yourself dealing with a habit problem, first ask yourself, why does this bother me? If it’s a smaller quirk, it may be more helpful for you to overcome it on your own. However, if the bad habit is negatively affecting your partner or others, it’s time to have a conversation where you tell them directly why this habit needs to stop and help them come up with a game plan on how to compassionately undo this pattern.

Communication Styles

Couples rely on communication as a way to solve most of their fights. But what if you both have different communication styles?

Some people are direct, while others are more passive or even avoidant in their approach to getting things done. If two people in a relationship use different styles of communication, they may be confused by the other’s approach.

There are many books that you can read that can give you more insight into the different ways that people express themselves. You can learn about attachment styles, the 5 love languages, or Imago dialogues.

All of these communication-focused philosophies will help you better understand your partner and possibly even increase your emotional intelligence.

Quality Time

Attention is a big part of any relationship, whether it’s showing physical attention through holding hands or sexual intimacy. But what about quality time?

Quality time is spending time with your partner without the distraction of work emails constantly popping up on their phone or worrying about other household responsibilities that need to be completed.

It can be difficult to let go of your responsibilities for even one night so that you have quality time together as a couple. But there are plenty of people out there who can complete tasks for you! Slowly make space for your partner and try taking one night every week to spend quality time together.

If your partner is always working or too busy with other things, this could be an issue that needs to be addressed before moving forward in the relationship. It might seem like they are neglecting you, which can lead to feelings of resentment.

How Do You Fix a Relationship When You Fight All the Time?

If you’re finding yourself in daily fights with your partner and they are getting nasty, it’s important to find some time to do a little inner work. Taking responsibility for your own words and actions can help diffuse the situation.

Here are some additional ways in which you can improve your relationship:

  • Be compassionate towards yourself and others, practice mindfulness. Allow for non-judgmental self-reflection to help you better understand what’s happening in the moment.
  • Be aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Look at how you react to the world around you, including people close to you.
  • Let go of blame by understanding that everyone has their own unique way of coping with life’s challenges – this does not make them a bad person!
  • Keep an open mind towards empathy instead of judgment. Be willing to listen and understand your partner’s perspective.
  • Do not expect your partner to think or behave in the same ways that you do, even if they are similar personality types. Remember that no one is perfect!
  • Struggle to express your feelings to your partner? Consider writing an affirmation letter which can express your appreciation.

Many people need support in order to heal from the pain of conflict. When you’re working on fixing your relationship, let your family and friends know. Consider joining support groups, online communities, and soliciting the help of counselors, coaches, and healers. You don’t have to go through it alone, or exclusively ask your partner for support.

Final Thoughts

Remember that relationships are hard work. Just like anything else in your life, you need to be willing to put time and effort into making the relationship sustainable.

Pay attention to the details of the fight and develop boundaries. Ones that limit how disrespectful you’re willing to act in a fight, as well as boundaries that let your partner know you feel disrespected and need to walk away.

No one’s relationship is perfect, but you deserve to be happy with your partner. Hold a high standard for yourself, and treat your partner with that standard as well. A well-respected couple is a happy couple.

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