Does your relationship need to hit the restart button? This may be the necessary next step for you and your partner, but it can be hard to make a move, since you may be afraid that a major change could end what you have, or the changes could be too drastic and cause a greater rift between partners.
The truth is that all relationships have phases of reinvention, and sometimes that means making major changes in order for them to continue. Long-term love requires going through sudden losses, career changes, personal failures, and new circumstances together.
The first step to starting over in a relationship is forgiving yourself for anything that has gone wrong and giving yourself permission to try again. Once you’re able to extend this compassion and understanding to yourself, you’ll be ready to forgive and support your partner as well.
After getting to a place of commitment to restarting your relationship, you’ll need to make time to talk with your partner about the process. Make sure to let them know that this is something you’re willing to work through, even though it may be difficult.
Make space to listen to their feelings, needs, worries, and wishes for moving forward. This can help you to create a sense of belonging and connection with your partner, which will ensure that the two of you are truly on board for this change together.
Now it’s time to start looking at some options for reinvention. Here are seven great ideas for beginning again in your relationship:
7 Ways to Start Over in a Relationship
1. Take Some Space
One of the biggest reasons that couples get into a rut is because they don’t allow themselves time to rest, process their feelings, and come back together stronger than before. So, instead of automatically trying to make things better right away, give yourself some time apart.
This may look like going on a staycation for a couple of days, or you may need to spend weeks living in separate places. It may be as minimal as staying in the same home and working on a personal hobby to have “me” time while sharing space with your loved one.
You can also consider taking space in the form of meditation, which can offer clarity and serenity. Whatever you choose, make sure that it is a conscious effort to break out of your normal routine.
2. Go On a Retreat Together
There are many types of retreats that can bring you and your partner closer. You may want to attend a spiritual retreat, where the main focus is on connecting with yourself and finding inner peace.
An eco-retreat will encourage you to explore nature together while learning more about sustainable living practices for the future. A couples’ retreat will allow you time to strengthen communication together.
You can also choose your own adventure and look into local options for camping or hiking, where you’ll have no distractions from the beauty of nature while being in each other’s company 24/seven.
There are so many ways to explore a new environment together that will encourage growth, connection, and change within your relationship. No matter what you choose, make sure that it is an experience with a focus on personal development and self-discovery.
You can also plan your own retreat in the form of a weekend staycation to reconnect with each other by enjoying food, activities, and conversation together without distractions from technology or work. Redefining your experience at home can breathe a lot of fresh air into the relationship.
3. Move to a New Home or Change Your Environment
Retreats are a great option for getting a break from your usual environment. However, for some, a bigger shift in the home may be needed. We tend not to notice how our homes can have an effect on us over time.
For example, if you live in a dark home with limited windows in the wintertime, your energy may feel completely depleted and depression may begin to creep in. If you aren’t aware of the energetic drain that your dark home has on you, you’re likely to project this discomfort onto your partner. This often manifests when we start having a fight about a seemingly trivial thing such as leaving the dishes in the sink.
Many couples find that they are unhappy with their current living situation, but don’t know where to begin when it comes to making a change. If you’re stuck in this type of rut, talk over your options for moving.
If this is feasible, look into a new location that is more conducive to the type of energy you want in your life. Some good upgrades to consider when moving to a new space include:
- More natural light from windows and skylights
- A more spacious layout with open floor plans rather than closed-off rooms
- Cleaner, brighter colors on the walls as opposed to dark hues or busy patterns
- More outdoor space to access in your front yard, back yard, or patio
- Closer access to your favorite restaurants, parks, and attractions
If you’re unable to move, try looking into ways to revamp your current home. You can do this by:
- Getting rid of clutter
- Creating separate personal spaces for you and your partner
- Doing a deep cleaning of the home
- Doing repairs and completing projects you’ve been meaning to get around to
- Getting better organizational systems so you can find everything
- Adding art, inspirational quotes, and plants to brighten up the space
4. Create New Date Night Rituals
Creating new date night rituals can be a great way to get back into the groove of being together. Most couples go out to dinner or the movie theater on their date night, and it may be time to mix it up and try something more adventurous.
Many new date night ideas include:
- Go-kart racing at a local track
- Hiking, kayaking, or finding another outdoor activity to share together
- Enjoying a cooking class together
- Going to a comedy show
- Enjoying some time walking through a farmer’s market
- Having a spa day, at home or out at an establishment
- Enjoying a wine or cheese tasting
- Taking a yoga or meditation class together
Some couples feel they can’t have a variety of dates due to their limited budgets. However, there are plenty of free date night options you can try. Many organizations host free days, local park districts have many free classes, non-profits regularly host free events, and going out during happy hours or on weekdays can save a significant amount of money.
5. Find a Therapist or Counselor
Sometimes it’s helpful to have a third perspective to support the relationship, and that probably shouldn’t be a close friend or family member who has their personal biases and opinions around your relationship.
A professional therapist or counselor is typically someone who has gone through extensive schooling and training to become an expert in their field. They can help you work on the issues you’re facing, as well as act as a mediator when it comes to discussing difficult topics together.
Finding a therapist or counseling center that’s right for your needs isn’t always easy. However, it is typically worth taking the time to research different options and find someone who specializes in your specific type of situation.
Typically, when people look for a therapist or counseling center, they seek one out based on their insurance coverage, since it’s often covered by health insurance plans. But some therapists will work with clients directly without involving an insurer and may even work on a sliding scale.
It’s also really important that you’re being kind to yourself through this process and taking care of your own needs. Make sure you check in with yourself and how you’re feeling.
6. Devise a New Shared Goal Together
Having a shared goal is another way to help strengthen relationships. Many couples have children or share a mortgage, but having kids or financial responsibilities aren’t the only thing you can do together as a couple.
One way to have fun and decide on a shared goal or project is by co-creating a couple’s bucket list. Make a list of all of the fun things you would like to do in your relationship for the rest of your time here. Dream big and get excited together. You might want to use your journals to create joint vision of what your future could look like.
If you’ve generated a large enough list, it’s likely that there is at least one goal that is reasonable and obtainable that you can pursue together. If this feels too “out of left field”, you can focus on finding a more reasonable goal, such as saving for a vacation, starting a garden together, or taking up an interesting hobby that is affordable and easy to fit into your schedule.
7. Put in More Effort As You Did At The Start of the Relationship
Remember what it was like when you first met your partner? You sat up a little straighter, you smiled a little wider, and you gave your undivided attention to your partner. It’s likely that the two of you went easy on each other and overlooked small annoyances that may have snowballed into major issues.
Take some time to remember what you did in the beginning of the relationship to make your partner feel loved, wanted, and taken care of. Recall what your motivations were for this behavior and reflect on what you can do to be a bit more like that person again.
Remembering the good times in your relationship is important and necessary for couples to tap into their past experiences together when they are feeling disconnected or lost. It may even help if you write down some of these positive memories so that when things get tough, you have a reminder of what you started with.
Time To Make A Change!
Making big changes in a relationship can be scary, but it doesn’t have to mean starting over completely from scratch. Instead, think about how these changes could improve things between the two of you by adding new life into a stagnating relationship.
Now that you have 7 ideas in mind that you can use to start over in a relationship, it’s time for you and your partner to take action together! These tips aren’t going to work if only one person starts applying them- make sure you’re both committed and willing to put in the effort towards this new phase of your life together.